The Big Three in the United StatesChristianity, Islam, and Judaismshare the same theological foundations that mandate heterosexuality and marriage to create children. So he encouraged me, basically, to continue this path of exploration. So my parents were Christian, but they were not theres definitely different levels. So right away that kind of knocks off a nesting partner. On the other hand, it is important to remember that religious beliefs are diverse and multifaceted. *DISCLAIMER: This episode was shot in February 2020, before the community quarantine protocols had taken place. Leanne: Yeah. I take surveys and earn points as a member of the YouGov panel. While the majority of women can masturbate to orgasm, up to 50 percent of women do not orgasm during sexual intercourse. Oh! I did have Jessica Fern on during the first season [Episode 4; October 19, 2021], which was a really awesome episode, where we talked about this specific pipeline: purity to polyamory. Leanne: Yeah. However, it is important to note that views on polyamory can vary greatly even within a single religious tradition, and acceptance may depend on the interpretation of religious teachings by individuals or religious leaders. From the latest political surveys to in-depth analysis, find out what the world thinks. I have eight episodes out now. Have fun! And he proceeded to throw a fit. For example, someone may be married to multiple people or dating multiple people . The UU lack of dogma and emphasis on peace and equality with personal choice fits perfectly with polyamory, which (at least attempts to) refuses dogma and celebrates freedom, honesty, and integrity. So Im super thankful for that, because I know theres a majority of my followers who have a lot of fear around coming out because of their family of origin. Thank you! In contrast, polyamory is a practice or desire for more than one romantic, emotional, or sexual partner, with the full knowledge and agreement of all the partners involved. And I understand this is kind of thorny to talk about, because I dont want to say that every demisexual person is just suffering under purity culture. Among organized religions, attitudes towards polyamory vary from extreme discomfort and distaste to complete acceptance. While the focus of polyamory lies in emotional connections and ethical non-monogamy, its important to address the practical aspects that arise when multiple partners share a living space. (Many of them are non-Christian, but not all of them, which has been an interesting exploration of patterns. So, thats another thing that I think comes up often, is just majorly deconstructing toxic masculinity ideas. Polyamory and Religion: Navigating Faith and Polyamorous Values And does your poly partners have a mixed race/religion? At the most sex-negative end of the scale, some conservative forms of Christianity strictly prohibit sexuality for pleasure and mandate stark boundaries that confine sexuality to married heterosexuals who are trying to have children. We did that for two years, and then finally he had proposed, and so I was like, okay! The word, "polyamory", is not found in the dictionary. Leanne: Yeah, yeah, no, completely. I grew up in Hong Kong. Youre not renovating and repainting the walls. I went to communion, but none of it was taken super seriously, you know? But I think polyamory definitely was the final piece, where I was like, this is definitely pointing to incompatibility and totally different directions for our future. You just met The One or maybe a shady character. And deal with your jealousy, and look at jealousy as something like a reflection tool, you know? 80% of people who say that religion is 'very important' in their lives say that polyamory is wrong, but among people for whom religion is 'not at all important' 58% say that polyamory is morally acceptable. You mentioned the more extreme end of judgement and shame. You had internalized that it was this special thing. Extremism of any sort breeds attachment, and attachment causes pain through loss, which is inevitable because everything is fleeting. At the heart of our company is a global online community, where millions of people and thousands of political, cultural and commercial organizations engage in a continuous conversation about their beliefs, behaviours and brands. Jealousy is seen as good, you know? Non-monogamous lifestyle choices can result in social isolation or rejection within religious communities, straining relationships with family, friends, or fellow believers. We could all sit here and go, Oh, it was polyamory. March 15, 2021. So just all of this huge amount of pressure as teenagers to make these promises that were basically combatting our awakening sexualities, right? Sacred sexualities are a collection of mystical spiritual traditions that use sexuality as a form of prayer and a pathway to worshiping the divine in each of us. Attitudes towards polyamory depend significantly on how religious someone is. Representatives of A03 did not give a timeline for . None of the conservative sects of the Big Three encourage their adhereants to practice polyamory, in part because it allows women access to mutiple partnerssomething that is anathema to their religious tenets that require women's virginity at marriage and absolute sexual fidelity for the duration of their marriages. Its a way I express affection for people. Its just another added extra layer of unlearning everything you knew. Leanne: So do they know about all this stuff thats been going on? Among organized religions, attitudes towards polyamory vary from extreme discomfort and distaste to complete acceptance. What Is Polyamory? - Verywell Health Like their more conventional counterpart the UUs, Pagans are a loose collection of people joined by their fundamental belief in an individual relationship with a divine presence, though exactly what that presence is or how it is embodied varies. @puritytopolyamory: So, he was quite kinky, I guess? Moreover, while some religious traditions promote monogamy as the ideal relationship structure, others may be more open to the concept of polyamory. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. You can bleed. When I experienced that, it was more at the camp and at the youth groups and churches that I got involved with myself. Leanne: Yeah. He does a video that is about Jesus is Polyamorous. Relationship coach and educator Mim Kempson is a firm believer that how a relationship starts sets a precedent for the rest of a couple's time together. The @3.mountains triad who are very well known on TikTok Janie, from that triad, she grew up evangelical as well, and talks about that on her channel a little bit. I found out about two months after the fact that prior to the first time we had sex so we had both lost our virginities to each other he cheated on me two weeks before we had sex for the first time, and I had no idea. However, it is essential to recognize that . It requires open dialogue, support, and exploration of individual beliefs and values. A Polyamorous Woman and A Monogamous Woman Meet | Filipino - YouTube It can be helpful to engage in open conversations with religious leaders or fellow community members to foster understanding and build bridges. And then afterwards wed just break down and feel terrible. Leanne: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Happy Polydays series. We finally had PIV sex, or whatever. Tantric teachings include a variety of exercises and specific sexual positions. Disgust can both increase and decrease arousal. @puritytopolyamory: Yeah. Nevertheless, individuals may find ways to reconcile their religious values with their choice to practice polyamory. If polys (or anyone) act in ways that are motivated by attachment, then they are likely to experience loss. So, you know, Im very fascinated with your story. Tantra, a Sanskrit term that encompasses expansion, continuation, liberation, and union, is undoubtedly Eastern in origin, though whether Hindu, Buddhist, or a form of yoga remains in debate. By embracing diverse perspectives, fostering understanding, and creating inclusive spaces, individuals can find a path that aligns with both their polyamorous lifestyle and their religious faith. Even with this more sex-positive view, the Islamic emphasis on women's pre-marital virginity and marital sexual fidelity makes it hostile to polyamory. Plus, it might make them look goofy to Jay Leno. Its just a fact. Additionally, connecting with like-minded individuals through online forums, social media groups, or local polyamory communities can offer a sense of community and support. I speak with @puritytopolyamory as she shares her fascinating story of moving from the oppressive Evangelical Christian religion to solo polyamory. Overall, Americans are slightly more likely to say that women (73%) can successfully manage monogamous relationships than men (64%). @puritytopolyamory: Sure. You kind of do have to create a whole new relationship together. I think its possible. Plus, it might make them look goofy to Jay Leno. The more liberal and sex-positive a religion is, the more likely it will accept polyamorous relationships among its congregation. But its just so stupid that thats the thing that we were supposedly not supposed to be doing. Developing a personal spirituality that blends elements of ones faith tradition with polyamorous values can help individuals forge a unique moral compass that resonates with their beliefs and lifestyle. Polyamory (from Ancient Greek (pollo) 'many', and . Leanne: Yeah. I no longer consider myself a Christian. What are the parallels? @puritytopolyamory: Yeah. Its just all about acknowledging that we can evolve. And I still have fond memories of my first time, because, apart from all that contextual stuff, it was embarrassing, it was hilarious, it was vulnerable, and it was nice. Yes, there are resources available that explore the intersection of polyamory and faith. Leanne: Yeah. Religion, class and polyamory: Why happy couples go to therapy I was exposed to the extreme side of judgmental Christians, Christianity, from my exs family. It was just kind of like something that my mum would take out as a teachable moment whenever she felt like it was convenient, rather than we stuck to the book constantly. I dont know how things will change and what Ill want. What Does Healthy Polyamory Mean? Their emphasis on consciously constructed intimate connections expressed through sexuality resonates with the more esoteric poly crowd, and two forms are especially popular. Finding support within a religious community may require seeking out inclusive and affirming congregations or alternative spiritual spaces that embrace diverse relationship structures. The difference with ethical non-monogamy vs. polyamory is that polyamory involves being openly involved in multiple relationships at once. So basically long story short we all know thats not real. I do think the main thing is just sexuality. We never had to explain not eating meat on Fridays for portions of the year - a big chunk of the rest of the kids at school were doing it, or explaining that they used the under-12 loophole for fasting & dietary requirements until the day they turned 12 in their house. While Islamic faiths also emphasize marital childbearing as the goal of sexuality, recreational sex between married people is acceptable and men must make sure to satisfy their wives sexual needs. Possibly the single most important reason for the confluence between Paganism and polyamory is that they share the same founders in the United States. The sexual double standard that allows men far more latitude than women is deeply engrained in these religions, and society. Even with this more sex-positive view, the Islamic emphasis on women's pre-marital virginity and marital sexual fidelity makes it hostile to polyamory. Among the founding pantheon . Of course that would be hard, to wrap your head around people who just look at sex as an activity, just like any other activity we can be doing with our bodies. And I think that people kind of brush over this for some reason, because its really hard. So, you know, its wild to me that just six years ago, or whatever, I was on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Founded by Joseph Smith in 1830, the Mormon movement from its beginnings offered a unique perspective on the religious role of men. Polyamory, the practice of engaging in multiple consensual romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously, presents unique challenges when it comes to reconciling its values with religious beliefs. Copyright 2023 YouGov PLC. There are a lot of deconstructing religion accounts, and there are a lot of polyamory accounts, but I think yours is the first that marries the two concepts which is surprising that there wasnt something like that before, because there are quite a lot of ex-Mormons, ex-fundies, exvies, who got into polyamory later on, you know? Like, for instance, I had a feeling I was demisexual, but I had no way of knowing before becoming non-monogamous. 15-21 definitions, but I instead choose "religious sexual counter-culture" to convey polys' identity and their intentionally counter-cultural value system. Answer: Polyamory and religious beliefs can vary greatly depending on the individual, their interpretation of their religion, and the specific religious community they belong to. I became a Christian at a summer camp and was really involved in church, and bible study, and all of that, and had this messaging taught to me that basically, I needed to find my spouse, and I needed to wait to get physical with them until the wedding day, pretty much. Leanne: Wow. Polytheist means a belief in many gods. Thats always kind of you know, its scary as well, but it can be a very fulfilling experience. My journey has been one of self-discovery, of deliberate decision making about the path I want, and shedding a lot of cultural and religious expectation and practice along the way. While one faction of the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) wants the religion to recognize polyamorous unions and include it in their educational materials, another is concerned that the specter of poly relationships looming at the end of the slippery slope will derail their beloved goal of same-sex marriage. Polyamory and race/religion : polyamory - Reddit She also gave me at this point I had started sort of deconstructing my faith and pulling that apart. @puritytopolyamory: Yeah. It requires self-reflection, exploration of personal values, and a willingness to question and reinterpret religious teachings. Even though "The Book" (Torah/Old Testament) is filled with multiple-partner marriage, contemporary conservative forms of Christianity are stridently against non- or extra-marital sexuality (again, even though some of their most famous preachers have been caught in extramarital sexual relationships). If youd like to support my work, consider becoming a Patreon subscriber at patreon.com/polyphiliablog. I think its really cool. We were just like, This is really fun!, you know? I'm Polyamorous and Christian: Both Sides Matter to Me Polyamorous individuals who identify with a particular faith tradition encounter several challenges, including: Religious texts or teachings may conflict with the principles of polyamory, leading to inner turmoil, guilt, or shame. Archive of Our Own (AO3), a leading repository of fan-written works, went down on Monday following a distributed-denial-of-service (DDoS) attack. Some people kind of attach themselves to a certain style of polyamory, or a certain identity, or a certain sexuality, for so long that even when the reality doesnt match up to it, they still kind of cling onto that, because its all theyve ever known. Leanne: Yeah, yeah, for sure. The Happy Polydays project is a series of intimate conversations about polyamory, identity, sexuality and relationships. Part of Buddhist belief includes refraining from wrong-doing in relationship to sexuality, and in general trying your best to use restraint. No one has the ability to have a say over what I do with my body or who I love. It's a mysterious package, delivered by subtle sensory clues. Its almost like you kind of have to go on a similar evolution journey. Okay! I ended up approaching him about it and, yeah, I mean, to go into the whole long story of the three years that was between that, but long story short is that it just didnt really work for him, and thats not what he wants for his life, which is totally fine and valid. I think shame around our sexualities and our desires and stuff is not going to bode well if you are seeking a polyamorous structure. The touch and skin-to-skin contact we get while cuddling releases oxytocin, the feel-good "love" hormone. So, from the conversations Ive had with men who were a part of purity culture - I dont think it was just women. And that cant be controlled. Okay. So I go with that same mindset. There is a gender divide on this issue, as men are much more evenly divided than women are. Looking back, Im like - like I have sex on the first date now. Is your impression correct? Polyamory & Christianity People have a lot of opinions about romantic and sexual relationships. The recent Supreme Court decision which asserted that the right to marry is a constitutional right, including for same sex couples, has raised prompted some commentators to question whether the same could be said of polygamy. With sexuality, as in all things, Buddhism advises the Middle Way, meaning that people should be neither too hyper-sexual nor abstinent. The touch and skin-to-skin contact we get while cuddling releases oxytocin, the feel-good "love" hormone. And then not to mention the self-discovery journeys that each of you are going on, and sometimes you come out the other end and youre not even recognizable to each other at all. I grew up Catholic, in a part of the US where about a third of the population is Catholic, another third is various flavors of Christian, about ten percent are various practitioners of other religious faiths, and the just about twenty percent remaining are somewhere between non-practicing and non-believing unaffiliated people. Leanne: Yeah. @puritytopolyamory: I mean, I am open to however my life whatever way my life goes. I think we were put in these positions that we were starting to have these feelings and hormones and everything flowing and instead, we had to hide it and suppress it. Leanne: And do you think oh, sorry, keep going. Polyamory - Wikipedia Both men and women report desire for sustained intimacy beyond just sex. @puritytopolyamory: Right, yeah. (laughs) And I think that it looks different for a lot of people, but it can be so overwhelming, because youre basically just unraveling all these parts of your life at the same time. Religion significantly influences individuals values, beliefs, and attitudes towards relationships. How Polyamorists and Polygamists Are Challenging Family Norms Sexual indulgence is not wicked, but it may be in some degree inadvisable, 2 Key Reasons Why Men Won't Stop Obsessing Over Size, How You Can Help When a Rape Case Goes to Trial, pathway to worshiping the divine in each of us, Polygamy, Group Marriage, Polyamory, Relationship Anarchy, Consensual Nonmonogamies Focused on Individuals, 3 Reasons Why Disgust Can Become a Sexual Turn-On, Five Reasons You Prefer Porn to Sex with Your Partner.